Be Kind to Yourself
Being a kind, caring, and compassionate person is something to strive for. Every human being is worthy of love and acceptance, not because of what they do or don’t do, but simply because they exist. We are all inherently worthy.
I try to treat others with kindness, love, and respect. I’m not perfect, but I try my best. I bet you do too.
But here’s a question: how well are you doing at offering that same kindness, acceptance, and compassion to yourself? For many of us, that’s the more challenging part. We’re quick to notice what we did or said wrong. We’re experts at spotting our own flaws and beating ourselves up for not being “better.”
The default way of living is to treat acquaintances better than we treat ourselves, or even the people closest to us.
Why is that?
Often, it’s because we care deeply about how others perceive us. We know our family will love us no matter what, but we crave approval from others. When people think highly of us, we allow ourselves to think highly of ourselves, too.
But here’s the truth: no matter how hard you try, you cannot control what other people think of you.
And even if they do admire you—but it’s for a version of yourself that doesn’t feel authentic—are they really liking you, or just the persona you’re projecting?
Other people’s opinions often have more to do with them than with you. Someone might love you because you remind them of a beloved mother-in-law. Someone else might find you annoying because you resemble their grumpy great aunt. Either way, their reactions aren’t really about you.
Whether someone likes you or not doesn’t diminish your inherent worth.
My daughter Ainsley doesn’t like cake. I think cake is fantastic! I wish I didn’t like it as much as I do. But just because Ainsley doesn’t like cake doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with cake—it’s just not her preference.
You can be completely wonderful and still not be someone’s preference—and that’s perfectly okay.
Here’s the fun part:
You get to choose what you think about yourself, regardless of what others think. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.
Here’s the hard part:
Most of us have a loud inner critic. That voice can be relentless, nitpicky, and downright mean. It tells us we’re not good enough and that something is fundamentally wrong with us. We’ll do almost anything to quiet it.
Some common strategies we use to silence the inner critic include:
- Constant self-improvement—believing we’ll be worthy once we’re “better.”
- Playing it safe and hiding our true selves out of fear of rejection.
- Distracting ourselves—worrying about the past, future, or how others see us.
- Staying busy—burying painful thoughts in work, social media, TV, food, or alcohol.
- Comparing ourselves to others—feeling better by focusing on their flaws instead of our own.
If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This kind of suffering is part of the human experience. But hear this:
There is nothing inherently wrong with you. You are—and always have been—100% worthy. Not because of what you’ve done or not done. Just because you are.
I challenge you to accept yourself exactly as you are, right now.
This is what author and meditation teacher Tara Brach calls Radical Acceptance—the practice of embracing ourselves and life just as they are. When we let go of how things should be, we can say yes to how they are. And in that space, we find freedom.
The secret? Give yourself the same love, grace, and compassion you so freely give to others.
Life is 50/50. It’s not all rainbows and daisies. What if nothing is wrong? What if everything is just as it should be?
You might worry that if you accept yourself, you’ll stop growing—that you’ll become lazy or indifferent. But I’ve found the opposite to be true. When you stop being mean to yourself, you free up the energy you were spending on judgment. You can finally use that energy to be your true, authentic, fabulous self.
So, be kind to yourself. It takes effort, but you can do it.
Start by looking in the mirror each morning and complimenting yourself. Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to someone you love. You deserve that same compassion.
And when you learn to love yourself, you’ll love others even better.
You’ve got this.
