Our emotions, the way we feel, drive our actions. This is great news because our emotions come from our thoughts and beliefs, which are actually under our control. As Ryan Holiday says in “The Obstacle is the Way,” “There is no good or bad without us, there is only perception. There is the event itself and the story we tell ourselves about what it means.” Keep reading to learn how to shape your story for a happier life.
Which Emotions Drive You?
The primary negative emotions are:
- Anxiety (stress, nervousness, fear)
- Anger (frustration, resentment, irritation)
- Depression (sad, unhappiness, grief, low motivation)
Where do these negative emotions come from? We think they come from our circumstances in our life. For example:
- If only my boss would be more appreciative of all I do.
- If only my brother would stop being so insensitive.
- If only my kids would behave better.
- If only my spouse would do more to help around the house.
If ONLY these things would happen, THEN I would be happy!
If we could change our circumstances, then we’d experience positive emotions like:
- Love.
- Joy.
- Satisfaction.
- Contentment.
- Interest.
- Amusement.
- Happiness.
- Serenity.
The answer doesn’t live outside of us; it lies within us.
The story we tell ourselves about what it means creates emotion.
This, my friend, is GREAT news. It gives you so much power. Because guess what? Controlling other humans doesn’t work. Believe me, I’ve tried! What DOES work is taking those circumstances and deciding what you want to make them mean. You are the boss of yourself, and you get to decide.
Let’s go back to a couple of my examples mentioned above.
If only my boss would be more appreciative of what I do.
We really want this appreciation so we can feel good about ourselves. So we can tell ourselves we are valuable. In your heart, you know you are doing a great job and guess what? You have the permission to think about yourself whether or not your boss says it. Instead of thinking, I wish my boss would appreciate me more. Try on: I’m proud of my work and know I’m a valuable asset.
The answer is within you, not outside of you.
Let’s do one more.
If only my kids would behave better.
What we really mean is that if only my kids behave better, then I could tell myself I was doing a good job as a parent. Are you a good parent? Are you perfect? I’m a good parent, but far from perfect. Am I doing the best I can with the current information I have? Yes!
I invite you to think you are a good parent regardless of your kid’s behavior. Of course, our job as parents is to teach them and give them the tools they need for success in life. But beating yourself up along the way doesn’t help you do that better!
By shifting my thinking, I’ve changed my life from one filled with the predominantly negative emotions of fear, anxiety, and stress to a life of mostly positive emotions of joy, acceptance, and peace.
So freeing, my friend.
Take a look at the stories you choose to tell yourself. Are they serving you or keeping you stuck?
A healthy mindset is the key to a happy and healthy life. I work on purposely choosing the thoughts I want to think about so I can have an amazing life. You can, too! If you need help, reach out. Mindset optimization is part of our holistic approach to happy, healthy lives.
